Amy Heidbreder

Can I just be honest for a second? I loathe this day. I loathe anything that reminds me I am single, rejected, alone and makes me feel lesser for it. As someone who has never experienced a Valentine’s date or been given flowers or chocolates by a boyfriend, I can’t say I feel anything but left out and unwanted on this day. As much as many advise things like “enjoy it while it lasts;” “pamper yourself;” “have a ‘galentine’s’ day,” nothing quells the sting of rejection. Being single feels like sitting on the sidelines at recess, not having been picked to play on one of the kickball teams, and those playing turn to you, saying “just enjoy it. Pamper yourself. Playing this game is soooo much work.”

I imagine being in a relationship is not all sunshine and rainbows, but even so, I’ll be with the other unpicked singles, singing at the top of our lungs Olivia Rodrigo’s “good 4 you,” as we wallow in our loneliness on the sidelines.

I shouldn’t say I feel completely unwanted. I’ve had a handful of guys ask me out over the course of my lifetime, but none of them I’ve liked back, especially the stalky one. Then those I’ve liked haven’t liked me back, so here I am, a mid-thirties single woman.

I know the world is brimming with women just like me—men too—who feel as overlooked, unwanted, invisible, and not worth taking a shot on as I do. To all those just like me, don’t settle. Don’t lower your standards to force a meaningless date or to not feel alone for a single night. God did not put you on this Earth to be in a relationship with someone you don’t feel attracted to or love. Hold out for what you deserve. Forgive and forget those who have rejected you and strive to be an example. Be the person that teaches the lesson to never, ever under estimate somebody. You’re worth more. This Valentine’s Day, make it a work on myself day. Maybe God has you single right now so you don’t waste your time on such trivial foolishness as flowers and candy. Maybe the frustration at being alone is fuel. Maybe you’re supposed to use that fuel to accomplish and start the ball rolling on something bigger before starting a family.

Ignite the flame. The fire doesn’t have to be a candle lit spread or fresh love. Perhaps it’s destiny. Perhaps it’s writing a book, or getting fit, or starting that business. While others are going to dinner, fellow single people, let’s go have our date with destiny. Happy Valentine’s Day!

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